by bourdain
The words of film producer Dino De Laurentis came to mind when (finally) watching the DVD’s of the first two episodes of Next Iron Chef. Steven Speilberg had just had a mega-hit with Jaws, and De Laurentis, announcing his next product, "Orca, the Killer Whale" was quoted saying something like, "They like the shark. So I make a film about the whale. Its bigger!"
I sense the same kind of thinking behind NIC. " They like Top Chef! They like Iron Chef America! Lets make Next Top Iron Chef America! It’s bigger!" That said, I’ve scoured both episodes with increasing frustration, trying to find something bad to say. And the best I can come up with is that Ruhlman’s hair is the scariest and most offensive aspect of the show. It looks like it’s taking over his head! Like it’s going to crawl across the table and swallow up half of Alton’s face! With Andrew Knowlton’s luxurious tresses bookending Donatella’s lustrously flowing locks, it looks like the cast of Jesus Christ Superstar up there. But that’s all, folks. In every other respect, the damn thing is pretty impeccable. If anything, it’s shockingly free of the kind of overjuiced drama and pathos, the gimmicky product placement of its role model. Ruhlman’s terrifying and seemingly unshaven appearance aside, the judges are well qualified to pass judgement on the chef/contestants–and any show that features my pals Mike "Screaming Mimi" Symon, Aaron "Papi Chulo" Sanchez, and Chris " Guts’R'Us" Cosentino is worth watching. Hell, I could just watch those three goofing around in the kitchen for a full hour.
I admire as well that in the first two episodes, the judges kicked off both female contestants. I have no doubt that both decisions were reached on the basis of food alone–but the network can NOT have been happy at this development. I was personally shocked that the most experienced and celebrated chef of the lot, the one with the greatest stature in the biz, Traci Des Jardins, was first to go. Karmic payback, perhaps–for publicly swearing off foie gras at a time when her peers needed her? I don’t know. I do know that they likely kissed off a larger potential audience by eliminating the women–and that–if nothing else, it’s a win for independent judging. After the humiliating public clusterfuck of Next Food Network Star, it’s nice to see them doing something right.
I’m still recovering from a two week swing through England, Scotland, Crete and Zakanthos. Slaughtering goats, drinking raki and ouzo has left my critical faculites somewhat..impaired. But I’ll be watching more closely in weeks to come. If only to see if Ruhlman’s grooming improves. Get a haircut, hippie!!
By the way? Has anyone been watching the new Kitchen Nightmares? Am I crazy–or is it as good as Hell’s Kitchen was bad? I’m loving it.
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A Cook’s Tour, that is.
You only ThInk abOuT youRSelF
As if…Sylvia (the phaa girl)you may as well gat down on your knees and…
bLah, bLah, bLah…ruhlman, help! make it stOp
Tony, if you are really gonna do a reading/signing at the Triple Rock in Minneapolis, you should at least grow some balls and have some rock bands play with you. It’s not the fricking Commonwealth Club.
Tony, and others, Hell’s Kitchen US was pretty dire, agreed. However, the latest HK UK featured not Gordon Ramsey, but Marco Pierre White… and even though it featured ‘celebrities’ cooking, it was incredibly good viewing.
The sheer menace coming from that man shows how much of a performance Gordon actually is giving.
MPW is, understandably, back ‘in’, in the UK and I’m loving it.
michael,
Do you have your full signing schedule yet?
With the ladies gone, the Next Iron Chef all guy contestants may take on an evil spin. Looking forward to tomorrow’s episode.
Michael I read that you will have an article for Gourmet regarding Charlie Trotter’s 20th anniversary dinner. It has got to be better that the insane columns I came across in our newspapers. In the Sun Times she described the dishes horribly ( not the tasting but the writing ) she never said anything about the taste. I can’t tell from the article if she even liked them. From Adria “oysters and Jelled blobs” blobs?? From Thomas Keller ” a chicken leg” come on lady this article was in the food section. For a 5,000 meal …tell me about Keller’s chicken leg. aargh – so Michael , as a Chicagoan, and let say a foodie, an inquiring ” what was it like ” being there , all I can say is let me indulge in the evening too. I did get a laugh from hearing and seeing ( there is a video online ) H. Blumenthal at our local taqueria eating a taco at 2am.
Tony, welcome back. I often read the Scotsman.com and came across an article regarding visiting your friend Ian Rankin, who I enjoy for years. The Scotsman article name dropped the pub where you and he visited. Any one who knows the Edinburgh novels clearly remembers which pub in Dead Souls page 35.
Did you have a chance to film Fergus Henderson for No Reservations in London?
Tony looking forward to your Chicago visit in November, maybe Michael can fit in his book signing at the same time too?
Regarding hard to get a look at a show, I’ve been trying to get a copy of UK Hells Kitchen with MPW. Hopefully on BBC America next year.
All negativity aside, good job!
Bourdain needs to do a reverse of Kitchen Nighmares. He shows up right before a Restaurant’s biggest rush and absconds with their chef for a vacation in a foreign paradise. But Bourdain provides a temp in the form of a losing contestant from Hell’s kitchen — thus screwing the restaurant and causing it to fail.
so, tony, are you going for cheesesteaks when you come to philly? have you done the side by side tasting? just wondering where tony falls–pat’s or geno’s?
Love the post, Tony, and agree with it.
And yes, I have been watching Kitchen Nightmares–but I liked the British version (Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares), so naturally I gravitated towards Fox’s version.
Tony or Chicago Karen,
November Chicago visit?
When? Where?
Adele
Adele – scroll up to see the book tour dates and look under November 28 for Chicago.
Thanks Artnlit,
I found it. Got to find some comfortable shoes to stand in line.
A Bourdain & Ruhlman book signing a deux would be fabulous.
Adele
I’m sick, sick I tell you, that I probably won’t get to see Bourdain in Austin. I still haven’t been able to get tickets. You can’t even get them on Craigslist. You can get ANYTHING on Craigslist.
I’m seriously thinking I might go and see if there are any scalpers selling tickets tonight. And for some reason, that just strikes me as funny.
Deacon, No Res Austin? Tony at Continental Club or Broken Spoke could be entertaining. The BBQ tour, taco carts, and Asia Market Cafe would all be good eatin’ and, with the exception of the BBQ tour, off the beaten path.
I’m just really happy to see a guy from my home turf – ironically the guy without any hair – do so well in this episode. GREAT comeback from the first episode, where he just barely squeaked by the chopping block. In a city where everybody’s walking around chanting “Go Indians”, my boyfriend and I are chanting back “Go Symon!”.
Sure, as a woman I’m pretty disappointed that the female contestants were the first booted off, but that won’t stop me from watching it. I love Alton (to me, he’s the Thomas Dolby of cooking), I love Chef Symon (and his local restaurants), and I sure do love Ruhlman in all of his flowing, out-of-control-coif-of-doom glory.
Hey, at least the hair isn’t bad enough to make it on here:
http://www.mulletsgalore.com
This site has been the subject of many of my 4am drunken laughing fits.
Tony, Tony, Tony.
I’m more disappointed you don’t break into a chorus of “Play That Funky Music.” I mean, Wild Cherry is from Cleveland, too.
The humanity…!
Gabba Gabba Hey ! BBC America is having a Gordon Ramsey UK “Marathon” tomorrow 10/21/2007 all afternoon…good stuff to look at during commercial and NFL halftime breaks.
Jaye, I was thinking a Don Juan at Juan in a Million to start.
A new essay by Tony! Yay! That’s all I have to say.
A new essay by Tony! Yay! That’s all I have to say.
A new essay by Tony! Yay! That’s all I have to say.
What, no Tucson? We have an underrated food scene, I’m telling you. It’s worth it just for the Sonoran hot dogs.
I also think I’m the only person in America who enjoys watching Hell’s Kitchen. It’s a complete trainwreck, but it’s always entertaining. I haven’t really been able to get into the US version of Kitchen Nightmares.
dear tony … why hate rocco when theres a bobby flay ?
Anther thing I’d like to add is I’m very relieved to see the class in which they treat the contestants. Unlike dumb, unwatchable reality shows like “The Apprentice”, where they would treat contestants like entertainment monkeys (”I know! We can make the loser sleep outside in a tent! And we can play tricks on them to make them hate each other! Yay! Oh, and don’t forget to get a good shot of them all drinking Pepsi for no good reason!”). The contestants aren’t some yahoo’s on a game show, these are very, very talented professionals handpicked by the best, and it’s nice to see them being treated as such.
Alton is very gentle and professional about letting the losing chef go. He’s not all like, “Get your ass out of here, you hack! Ha! And don’t forget to drink 7Up!” This is also why I was so glued to “Top Chef” as well. The judges we see are the ones making the real decisions, not some asshat up in Corporate with his eye on the “test group” who never even got close to the food. This, I’m hoping, will wake up some other networks and put godawful beasts like “Survivor” or “The Bachelor” to sleep once and for all.
Well, I and a trailer load of illegals made to see Bourdain tonight in Austin, and I thought I would share some of the highlights.
Each person was issued a joint when ushered to our seats.
Bourdain finally arrived (drunk of course). The beginning of his speech he threw-up on stage. He then talked endlessly about himself. towards the end of the show, several of the stage hands walked out a live warthog, which Tony then demonstrated (what he claims) was the actual ancient tribal method of cooking the animals anus. The man actually, on stage, used the live animals colon as a bong!! Quite gruesome, I must say. Once Tony was satisfied that the asshole of the pig was perfectly seasoned with Bong resin, he devoured the sphincter straight from the stoned animal.
He then washed it down with a Shiner Bock beer.
I was impressed!!!
PS; Really enjoyed the show Bourdain. Looking forward to your return.
strange . my post says it was posted by nadia ..
I too enjoyed the show at the Paramount last night. I’m hoping that my attempt to recreate the warthog anal delicacy goes over well with my friends this evening. I only wish there could have been MORE shameless ass-kissing shouted from the audience–I just don’t think it got ridiculous enough.
BTW, very smart not opening yourself up to criticism by mentioning where you went for barbecue.
Care to elaborate? Since it is brought up, I am curious to hear some reviews/descriptions of T’s Austin appearance. Also, did the $1500 front row posse get their rocks off?
Love Kitchen Nightmares…but then I am biased because I think Gordon is hot!
artnlit,
They did mention before Tony came out, that not only was the theater sold out, but they had received more requests for tickets than any other show presented at the Paramount.
In general, his speech pretty much covered all his usual topics, but kept the crowd laughing. The Q&A at the end was our favorite. It was nice to hear him talk about details that aren’t part of his normal shtick. As already posted, there were tons of ass-kissing comments.
Not sure about the front-row attendees, but we didn’t notice any panties being thrown on stage.
re: Bourdain in Austin. Here’s a good interview with him in the Austin Chronicle the day before.
http://www.austinchronicle.com/gyrobase/Issue/story?oid=oid:551888
Some good comments about the level of creative freedom on No Res–and the judges’ freedom from producer interference on Top Chef.
For what it’s worth, I bet the vast majority of the audience agrees that (paraphrased) “better to be creative and fall short of expectations from time to time” than not take creative risks each week. As the interviewer mentioned, many of us LOVE the heightened creativity this season (even while happily nitpicking at the efforts from afar).
Despite hundreds of channels, there’s still so little creativity on television. (I can think of, maybe, ten shows, tops,–including NR) So, yeah, you’ve got a dream job, Tony Bourdain. But, also…thanks.
Bought AB’s book today…$35 !!! I’m having flashbacks to buying my law school textbooks. And it is mostly photos, not much writing. Well, I’ll not begrudge my contribution to Tony’s retirement fund. LOL.
Parkbench:
I did know about Michael’s appearance in SF on 11/10 (and his two in NYC, etc., etc.), but, as this is Ruhlman’s own blog AND he said he’d be posting his schedule on it, I did not crank one out myself. In addition, the Simon & Schuster website supposedly has an auto e-mail alert to let those who sign up for it (simonsays.com) know when a given author is having an event, releasing a book, etc. My Simon has not said anything for a month. Will our Michael? Inquiring minds want to know, obviously . . .
Claudia:
We’re already signed up and ready for both Ruhlman and Bourdain in the SF Bookpassage events on Nov. 11 and 17.
By the way, thanks for inspiring my new nickname for Rachael Ray:
“Pumpkin Chunks.”
Way to go, Skawt, and I have NYC and Philly covered – don’t forget about the cow bone, dude! As for Rachael Ray? Chunky Punkin, more like it.
As for Ruhlman At Large:
Sunday, November 11, 2007, San Francisco, CA:
http://www.bookpassage.com/event_detailed.php?id=1126
Monday, November 12, 2007, Cooks & Books, :
http://www.serafinaseattle.com/menus/cooksandbooks1107.html
Thursday, November 29, Macy’s, NY, NY:
http://www.degustibusinc.com/class/essentials-grt-coking.html
Monday, December 3, 2007, Barnes & Noble, Union Square, NYC:
http://storelocator.barnesandnoble.com/results.do;jsessionid=7983B19D6BE821BDA780FAF66DA24392?ls=rO0ABXc84j1QyAIAAQAAAAEhAAEhAAEhAAAAAAdSdWhsbWFuAAdNaWNoYWVsAAAAASEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
[A joint gig with Bourdain, FYI]
February 21-24, 2008, South Beach Food & Wine Festival, Miami, FL:
http://www.sobewineandfoodfest.com/2008/personalities_info.php?id=122
Tony, I am looking forward to seeing you in DC on Nov. 7th.
Drew and Doodad, this just in:
Two more Bourdain gigs added:
Tuesday, November 27, 5p – Barnes and Noble, Mall of America, Bloomington, MN:
http://storelocator.barnesandnoble.com/results.do?ls=rO…AAAAAAAAAAAAAA%3D%3D
and Monday, December 15, 7p – Barnes and Noble, Tribeca 270 Greenwich Street, NY, NY.
Duh – SATURDAY, December 15. I really have to wait until my full maintenance dose of cappuccino fully drips into my bloodstream before I start posting and reading calendars at the same time . . .
btw. . .Traci may have publicly sworn off Foie Gras, but it’s still available in her restaurant through clandestine measures. She deserved to be kicked off.
Can we please not have any more Bourdain ingestions of braised marmoset pituitary gland en croute as ratings fodder? It’s true and sad that with 600+ channels and most of it drivel, the food shows still provide the best entertainment. But don’t you still long for the ‘real’ cooking shows from PBS of old? Alas, their ubiquitous begathons make it impossible to enjoy PBS anymore. Is the new Bourdain NR book to be something original or merely a levo-isomer of the TV show? Anyone??