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RSS FeedWebcast by Barnes and Noble, 7 p.m. Monday Dec. 3 (link in right column of main page)
Finally, a chance for concerned Food Network viewers, obsessive foodies, tormented loners, renegade hair-stylists and fans of such books as ELEMENTS OF COOKING to pin Ruhlman down and ask him the burning questions all of us have been dying to put to him. Oh, yes! At 7PM, December 3rd. Tomorrow night, already weakened by a long book tour, he’ll be trapped like a rat at the Barnes and Noble on Union Square where the merciless questioning will begin. One would not be surprised if Michael were called upon to answer such questions as :
Despite the fact that you are "long time friends and associates" of Chef Michael Symon–and that your kids call him "Unky Mike", we find you judging Next Iron Chef America–a contest which (curiously), Symon wins! Coincidence? Or conspiracy?
Please explain the sudden, Trotsky-like disappearance of Symon’s photo from the photo on your website.
On a recent trip to Cleveland, Michael Symon was allegedly witnessed installing new gutters, weatherproofing , a carp pond and an outdoor jacuzzi on your property. Can you confirm or deny this sighting?
Where were you EXACTLY on the day of the Kennedy assassination?
How come there’s like..no Italian terms in your book? What? Like Italy doesn’t exist?! Like they didn’t teach those French cocksuckers to cook in the first place? Elements of WHAT KIND of cooking? Fancy ass FRENCH cooking is what!!They don’t have Italian cooking in Cleveland? Explain yourself!!
Didn’t you–ever–even for a second–want to wipe that look off Andrew Knowlton’s face? Like with a meat mallet?Especially when he was right?
What brand of conditioner do you use? America wants to know!!
If your public doesn’t demand answers, I will!!
UPDATE: RUHLMAN RESPONDS
Ah, Rat-face is back, with more of his deplorable accusations—excuse me while I wipe the spittle off. I’ve addressed these baseless accusations before, can’t you read? I have the receipts for all home improvements, what business is it of yours if Symon wants to pick up a little extra spending money, and I was not yet 4 months old when Kennedy was shot, while you were already peddling weed on some schoolyard street corner.
As for Francophilic Elements of Cooking—guilty as charged (a fact I address in a recent column I’ll post later), but I don’t ignore Italy. I got pasta in there. I got gremolata. I threw in a reference to brodo. Lay off. You wrote the intro (for extortionist fees and I had to pretty much rewrite it from scratch it was so unintelligible—lay off the bottle when you’re trying to compose, Drunkspeare)–you could have whined there.
Now, Tony. I have no beef with you’re current book, No Rez—it could have been a cut and paste job, a compendium of refuse left over from your show—but it’s actually not a bad overview of your amazing travels. And, you didn’t totally embarrass Cleveland except with the ridiculous Skyline Chili ruse.
But: You will no doubt be interested to know, that in the stack of holiday books I’ve received is the new The Martha Stewart Living Cookbook: The Original Classics. Why, reader, is this significant? Well, I was idly perusing it when I came across the cassoulet recipe, written well before Mr. Bourdain’s freak rise to fame, while in fact he was in what we might call his “habituated” phase—and upon checking the Les Halles Cookbook, found them all but identical. I began to peruse further. The daube of beef, the duck confit, the pate, even the tripe, were the same. Bourdain’s arch headnotes, Martha’s thinly disguised recipes.
Checking with some of his older cooks, admittedly ones he stiffed on his way out of the kitchen, they were only to happy to offer what they wished an otherwise sycophantic media had never asked. Yes, it was true. Bourdain always arrived at the restaurant with a copy of the latest Martha Stewart Living magazine squirreled away in his knife kit.
Fess up, Bourdain. You owe what little talent you have for cooking to Martha.
Tags, get on the train from Philly NOW – I’m leaving work early and will hold a seat for you (!) (And, yes, I have on my viciously pointy-toed, steel-tipped cowboy boots today, so the CAFO feed lot of fans at B&N today will NOT be a problem. Trust me. I just crushed my way through a horrendous morning rush hour with no caffeine, so you know I’m ready for a Bourdain book-signing!) Poor Ruhlman. I TOLD him Thursday it’s gonna be a zoo tonight . . .
OH how I wish I had a sitter for your appearences in NYC. Oh how I long for the Snarky Ruhlman, and the NJ-ite wit of Bourdain! And it was my birthday yesterday too! Ok, I am whining like one of my kids, but I would be in the front row with a big bowl of popcorn and a copy of Ruhlman’s and Martha’s….Sorry I mean, **TONY’S** book for you guys to sign. No seriously, the schtick never gets old, despite some other comments. It is nice to see well matched adversaries go at it as I am sick to death of the crap that gets peddled on shows like “the View” where I could really give to flying shits hitting the white house about what dumb-ass Hasselbeck has to say in her twisted conservative mind. Enough said I think.
Keep it up guys I need something somewhat mentally stimulating to keep me sane now that I no longer rule like a dictator in a kitchen. (Oh how I miss those days! *sentimental sniff*)
Nipping recipes from Martha is much better than slurping Rayray in the desperate hope that a few more units might fly off the shelves, Michael.
Ha ha, French Laundry at home – what a brilliant idea – I spend a lot of time at the B&N in Union Square, and from now on that’s how I’ll be spending some of my time – hiding the dreaded Sandra and RR! Cheers. I’m going tonight, God, I suppose I should get there at 4 o’clock. Sigh.
carri – I too love the Two Sisters Bakery. My parents live in Homer and your shop is a must-hang place whenever I visit.
Maybe if you want to lay to rest all the accusations regarding NIC judging, you should stop bringing the subject up.
GEEZ, Kanani, thanks for the shout,yo…we aim to please! (it’s all part of our world domination plan…)
Martha Stewart ouch! Wow, we all know Tony has talent, but it’s not necessarily in the kitchen. So Mikey, as few besides your family have ever tasted your cooking – don’t hit him where it hurts too bad. IMO, and I’m not sorry to say because it’s mostly true, you’re both brillant wannabes. And we’re lucky to have you – maybe see you tomorrow, err… later today.
Most excellent round gentlemen, most excellent. Now ten paces and write again at the drop of my hanky.
I actually have a copy of a Martha cookbook, cover photo featuring her in a demure pink gingham dress with apron and sporting pearls, autographed by her with a pink neon marker– courtesy of another life when I worked at Robert Mondavi Winery and she was there for a few days as a featured “Great Chef” back in the ’80s. No, I didn’t buy it but I found it among my mother’s effects when she passed away and couldn’t resist adding it to my cookbook collection.
So you’re heading to Vancouver. Do a weather check. We’re right at the 49th parallel and had loads of snow over the weekend, I’m listening to a torrent of rain right now, and floods are predicted through late Tuesday. But this is WA and not BC; your experience may vary.
WOW! Carri is from Two Sisters Bakery up in Homer. I’ve traveled more than once to your beautiful town. I LOVE this bakery. It rocks! It’s the best baked goods… especially after morning of fishing…. or night at the Salty Dawg. What great people there are on this blog!
Eh, the question I’d ask Bourdain is what persona he’ll embody after the pseudo-rebel-cook is played out?
So, that WASN’T a cow I saw in Ruhlman’s yard…
Ouch.
Ouch!
PPS: I see a Martha Stewart banner on this site…”Whose Responible?”
Oh, man, what a rush. I pity da foo’ who drinks anything while reading Mr. Bourdain’s posts, and I will never admit to refreshing this page hoping for a worthy rebuttal from Mr. Ruhlman. I will be (theoretically) safe at work three hours away; I’m calling on any and all Youtubers (?!) for clips from tomorrow night’s throwdown.
CC
Did you run out of Warthog Tony?
There’s a joke in there somewhere…
Bourdain and Stewart in the same cell block, trading recipes, Bourdain cribbing from her book, arguing who’s the biatch…
Michael, Skawt help me out here…
Let me echo the request for You-tubing the Union Square event, if it’s at all possible.
I missed Tony, in Chicago, due to illness, and Michael continues to spurn our fair city.
Many of you need to step away from the blog and search for your lost senses of humors.
I also echo the request for Tube of You re: Union Square! The blogging boxing matches are excellent but so much more fun, I am sure, in living color.
PS: “Drunkspeare” = WIN.
CC
Apparently Bourdain and Ruhlman have taken time out of their busy schedules (taking turns beating me with a sack of oranges) to lash out at each other for once.
Maybe now I can escape from Ruhlman’s basement before I have the spend the rest of the winter neck deep in Skyline chili.
While you’re at B&N, be a dear and reshelve Aunt Sandy’s new fauxmoir “Made From Scratch” for me, k? I’ve moved many of them here in the DC area to Horror, Fiction, Death & Dying, and Comedy, or in the Health and Wellness section next to books about diabetes or fellatio. Good times…..
Is Symon shoveling your snow tonight?
“Bourdain always arrived at the restaurant with a copy of the latest Martha Stewart Living magazine squirreled away in his knife kit.”
I suppose someone had to carry the torch while she was in the slammer. No doubt, it was Bourdain.
As for Symon the fixit man, please leave his card. I have gutters to be cleaned, and it would seem Knowlton the fixit guy is painting your trim.
SSSSSSUUUHNAP! Damn Ruhlman, take no prisoners!
ps sorry bout the cuss word
Alright, just this once…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9bJnjCCebw
This whole Bourdain vs. Ruhlman shtick is getting as old and tired as the Food Network. Look in the mirror Tony–it ain’t pretty.
Ah shut up all of you. What happened to your sense of humour? Lighten up, don’t you know it’s all in fun?
Hekyl and Jekyl strike again!
Have fun at the Union Square B&N tomorrow. Expect mass-foodie invasion (the Greenmarket will be on that day).
Tony Bourdain cooks? Since when? Eats, travels, writes, slurs a string of drunken pop philosophy into a camera, yes. But cooks?
Perhaps Bourdain should dust off his knife kit and challenge Iron Chef Symon if he’s so skeptical of Ruhlman’s choice?
Yowza! Someone’s having a bit of a rough go shaking his nicotine dependency.
Hang in there, Tony. Baby steps, man.
Chef Tony:
When I met you in Minneapolis you seemed unusually subdued… it’s good to see the rapier wit and prose so finely tuned.
I always grew up with the mindset of “it’s not what you know but who you know”..right Uncle Mikey? Welcome to the real world, Uncle Tony, oh but you already know that!
OH OH OH- currently on tv is Iron Chef Michael standing on his podium for the holiday battle royal, but Cat Cora was chosen instead…Girl Power, luv it
Luckily for the both of you, Skawt and his warthog obsession will be here in California.
Bourdain:
Did those Cook’s Tour DVDs I gave you work on your DVD player?
Hey! Didn’t Bourdain read the rules about only saying on the blog, what you would be willing to say to Michale’s face…uh…oh wait!
Never mind!
I always thought he looked more like Lenin.
His photo, I mean. Not the disappearance. I guess that was Trotsky-like.
As for where Ruhlman was for the Kennedy ssasination: Tony, I think the little momzer wasn’t even born yet.
Close, he was in diapers.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Ruhlman
When he was born, “So Much In Love” by the Tymes was the number one song. You don’t want to know what song was number one when Bourdain was born.
Almost as bad as “Tammy” by Debbie Reynolds when I was born.
Holy jealous ex-girlfriends! Every since Mike and Mike started making time publicly, you just don’t come around anymore. Caterina de Medici called, she wants the chip on her shoulder back…..
So much promise gone so *soon*? Are you expecting him to live to 400 or something?
(I expect the conditioner answer to be posted.)
You’ve lost it. This is sad: so much promise gone so soon. Sniffle.
It’s getting harder not to make the two-hour trek to NY from Philly tomorrow night. But just knowing that it’ll be packed like pigs in a sardine factory is enough to decide against it.
And don’t forget that foodwise, France and Italy are suburbs of China.