Too busy to post or rant on my own at the moment, but can’t resist posting this foul-mouthed slice of a Lewis Black performance, a sterling ranter if ever there were one.


50 Wonderful responses to “Milk Rant”

  • milo

    Funny rant. Although the answer to his first question is a simple one – milk is good for you (obviously some people are allergic or intolerant, but those are exceptions).

  • Richard

    Micheal, I would have thought better of you. Being funny without being foul is much harder and much better. Maybe someday Lewis Black (and you) will come to understand that.

  • Ben

    I am also disappointed in Michael’s endorsement of foul mouthed…. Hah, kidding. Tool.

    The milk thing was way funnier than the water thing, though.

  • Eric

    This reminds me the first time I went grocery shopping in the USA 26 years ago (I am originally from Belgium). I was standing in front of the dairy case for many minutes, searching for milk. All I could find was Vitamin D Milk… Eventually, I relented and took the darn adulterated stuff.

  • tim


    Lewis Black understands that a rant is not a rant without employing a dozen swear words. And he is right.

  • Tags

    That rant was more fun than trying to milk a monkey.

    And who wants to drink water from where deer park, anyway?

  • Andrew

    Absolute brilliance. A blogger from the site has a post that resounds brilliantly off this rant. I appreciate this immensely, as I do all of Lewis Black’s material, and of course, your own.

  • allen

    I didn’t think this blog could get any better, it just did. Nice departure and downright funny!

  • joyciel

    Haha, hilarious! Although it’s kinda ironic he’s ranting about bottled water when he, himself was drinking bottled water…

  • Brian

    Thanks, Michael. There’s 10 min I’ll never get back. But I love Lewis Black, and couldn’t look away. Now I’m late for work at the bottling plant.

  • milo

    The video is up right now, there may have just been a temporary problem with the server.

  • Kevin

    Lewis Black is awesome as always.

    @milo: lactose tolerant people are the exception, the majority are intolerant.

  • Feisty Bourbon Girl

    Okay, Ruhlman’s a Lewis Black fan. Very cool. And those of you fussing at him about posting something foul mouthed “Lighten up Francis!” (a great line from “Stripes”). You don’t have to listen to it you know. Hit the STOP button and move on. Sheesh.

  • Vivian

    Absolutely hilarious! I love Lewis Black’s brilliant and demented mind.

  • milo

    Michael said it was foulmouthed in his post.

    Why would someone offended by language even click on it knowing that?

  • ody3

    I love the info on your blog but this was just awful.

    It has nothing to do with the language – which is foul for the sake of being foul – and more to do with coherence and substance.

    It has no relevance. I want the three minutes I gave to this back! (but I’ll still read tomorrows post)

  • Kate in the NW

    People who curse are not “foul-mouthed”.
    People who eat &^%$# McDonald’s are “foul-mouthed” (though not “fowl-mouthed” – no actual chicken in there).

    I’m always mystified at what some people choose to be offended by. While Rome burns, and all that….

    I support soy milk smackdowns.

  • craig

    Let’s see, Michael has been known to associate with that potty-mouthed Tony Bourdain. Who is really surprised that he appreciates profoundly profane humor? Thanks for the look at lactose.

  • rockandroller

    I love Lewis Black, he’s also great live, saw him at the HOB last year. He is a stitch.

  • Angela

    This is brilliant and so hilarious (as well as true). Thanks for sharing.

  • Tags

    We live in a transformative age, where common usage has mitigated profanity’s sting. Lewis Black uses it as a comedic device, as part of a comic rant. The knee-jerk tsk-tsk is inappropriate in this case. Profanity is just a tool in the toolbox.

    Of course, like all condiments, overuse can pucker the mouth and even the ears.

    I just wonder if he eats chicken cluck fornication eggs for breakfast.

  • Cameron S.

    When someone warns UP FRONT that a video contains foul language you can choose not to watch it and then save your moral outrage for yourself.

    I liked the video – they are just words anyways, what matters more is actions. I worry more about real things happening to real people than some false sense of smug morality.

    Tut, tut, tut type people should keep it to themselves.

  • Camusman

    Thanks Ruhlman. It really got the endorphins pumping on an unbelievably cold day.

  • we the sheeple

    I am anxiously awaiting a rant on the food labels that warn consumers that their snickers bar is produced in a facility that processes wheat, nuts, and soy…I am so glad the government is looking out for my health and best interests!

  • Kathy

    Well…if it’s Raw Milk, it’s good for you and easily digested by those who are lactose intolerant. The pasturized milk is questionable, to say the least. Soy “milk” doesn’t belong in the dairy case. Rant on!

  • Kanani

    Hilarious and true.
    Soy “milk” and Rice Dreams?
    Water from Fiji and water sold by Coca Cola?
    “Stay hydrated” has taken the place of “Are you thirsty?”
    Merchandising has gotten the better of us.

  • Beanie

    Every time I see Lewis Black, I end up laughing so hard that I’m afraid I’ll have a stroke!

    This was priceless!

  • Tim Ross

    Mr. Ruhlman,

    Please post something new I am dying at work and need a new Ruhlman posts about salted toffee, or seared skate, or the best tuna salad, or… gadzooks man anything to tide me over!