Rainbows and Unicorns

by Bourdain

Oh, the drama! The humanity!

Is it because I watch Next Food Network Star with a three month old girl on my lap that I find it increasingly compelling? Is it  because I'm looking through a pink tinted prism these days that I'm finding Bob Tuschman sympathetic ? I lost big money when my favorite, Paul, was--shockingly--dropped in the chopper and yet...I'm not bitter. Maybe it's the excitement of seeing a resurgent Amy (who I had written off) become a clear front runner (and deservedly so). Or the curiously sweet spectacle of Rambo Junior, weeping into his pillow, crushed that his idol, Bobby Flay, loved him too little.  But, Goddamn if I'm not liking this fucking show. I find Tuschman's comments refreshingly honest, acknowledging the gruesome reality of network realpolitik over cooking ability with unflinching candor--yet erring on the side of mercy for the devastated JAG. Which, by the way, paints the judges into a real corner:

JAG can't be allowed win. His alleged problems remembering whether or not he's a war hero--or whether he graduated from culinary school could be...controversial. In a bad way. He comes off as an unstable fantasist--already referring to himself in the third person (which is NEVER a good sign). And his overloading of the grill with chicken parts--causing (surprise!) smoke and flame--was something any backyard griller knows to avoid.

RORY got pissy with the judges when asked to demonstrate her "food expertise" on the fly. While Alton asking ANY of these candidates to explain "panko" or "capsicum" was akin to expecting your Golden Retriever to  suddenly start doing card tricks, the judges did NOT like her impertinence (as they clearly did not enjoy Paul's incredulous "How the fuck should I know?" honesty.)

Which leaves AMY. That she didn't seem to even WANT the job a couple a weeks ago makes her interesting to me. That she's said her motivation is to provide  a better life for her family is startlingly frank and sympathetic. And she can cook.  And she was good on camera last week. While I have a hard time picturing her as the host of "America's Top Ten Drive-Ins" or whatever Sunday morning ghetto slot they have in store for the winner, a working class Ina Garten might be a very good thing.  I'm rooting for her.

Whether it's the butterfly mobiles dangling from my ceiling--the onset of early dementia, or long delayed side effects of past drug use drawing me to the tube Sunday nights, I'll be watching.

Comments

[French Laundry at Home]

As long as Rory and her gums don't win, I'll be happy.

[marko]

Tony, I'm with you. I find Amy more believable and refreshing than most all of the new "talents" FN has flung at viewers the past few years. She's probably more talented as a cook, too. Her instincts about food seem spot-on, and once she gets some time to feel more comfortable with a camera in her mug all day, she'll become a tv darling.

I think JAG would be more at home on Hell's Kitchen... more like boot camp, and he would wipe the floor with most of those bumbling contestants.

I don't want to jinx this, but I'm glad that Mario hasn't been dragged into the fray thus far. Well... what am I saying, he'd be paid handsomely for it.

[RD]

I'd always thought Jag would be more comfortable on Top Chef myself.

[Claudia]

See my prediction on the earlier FN board - I said that even though I think Amy was good for one more meltdown, I think she'd win. Sorry to see Paul go.

Speaking of adorable little pink unicorn prisms, etc., that was a VERY, very sweet picture of you and your little girl gracing the Gourmet Institute's calendar to benefit City Meals on Wheels, Tony . . .

[Cheryl]

I was so happy to see this follow-up on this show. The episode before this caused me to literally hoot in disbelief as Giada and Susie Fogelson were explaining that the contestants needed to fight their demons and then practically described celebrity as a spiritual path. Talking about revealing oneself honestly coming from the form of the fake smile and the carefully planned décolletage that Giada has become, and the surly Ms Fogelson was surreal!

I've been rooting for Amy from the beginning yet having no hope for her. Maybe I'll be proved wrong - I can imagine watching her show and trying her recipes. I'm afraid we may wind up with Rory, but in the end it won't really matter one way or the other since Sunday is my morning to sleep in!

[ruhlman]

tony, you embarrassing wuss! what has happened to you? there you are, ditsy and besotted from the smell of breastmilk and oogling your sweet child. Snap out of it! Jesus. I don't even want to get into the ring with you if you're going to be like this. You'd wind up like cool hand luke in his fight with george kennedy. it's no wonder that the one you're now rooting for is the one who confessed her devotion to family. i find this post is deeply disturbing.

[FoodPuta]

You better be careful what you expose that daughter of yours to Bourdain. She might grow up the be the "Next Food Network Star".

I'm still voting for Rory and the cleavage for food concept.

[Tags]

Don't blame the drugs, Owsley is 72 and in fine shape. Then again, he doesn't eat any carbs.

No, my vote is for post-partum dementia. Not breast milk, or he'd be rooting for Rory.

[Vincent]

Ruhlman's right. Boil some damned eggs tony-boy!

By the way, breast milk is good on anything.

[JoP]

Wow. Bourdain's gone soft on the "Next Food Network Star"? I never thought I'd see such a thing. Full of suprises, you are, sir.

I was sorry to see Paul go, as well, BTW. He seems to be not much of a cook, but since cooking doesn't matter much on the FN, who cares? He was fun to watch, kinda sweet, kinda cute. I thought surely he'd outlast the tempest that is JAG. What were the judges thinking? They finally voted for cooking skill over personality?? Even after saying (in antoher episode) they don't want to work with a volatile personality??? The decision to keep JAG over Paul nearly knocked me outta my seat.

[kristin wroblewski]

I personally am frustrated by the lack of so called talent on Next Food Network Star and Hell's Kitchen. I can't stand Flay's smugness so I stopped watching along with the fact that it just did not seem that inspired to me. I now watch Hell's Kitchen just to see who Ramsey's gonna go ballistic on next. Seems to be no shortage of candidates there....

[fiat lux]

oh FFS, even *I* know what panko and capsicum are.

If that's too much to expect of a professional, then I think the sleep deprivation of having an infant in the house has hit you harder than you think, Bourdain.

[kristin wroblewski]

So I was thumbing through the new Food and Wine and lo and behold there is an ad for No Reservations along with small pics and Tony's witty captions about each. So Tony is that new tat on your back from Tahiti on your entire back? It looked pretty impressive and if so, how the hell did you sit for so damn long?

[Debbie]

I too, am hooked. I was hoping last week they dumped all 4, and start over. Rory: nothing special, hell, she didn't even know what her POV was - panhandle something....JAG: scary...Amy: can't handle the seperation of family and job? Maybe they will set her up at home ala Paula Deen? I doubt it. Look at last 2 years winners, Guy is on the road with Diners & Dives & the Sunday AM, I'm a cool daddy dude show, and our Party Boys? I lost track..Wake Up contestants..This is a 15 minute of fame game, no one will replace Bobby, Paula, Rachel, etc.. how many multi-shows do they have combined?

[Ottavia]

Ruhlman, you are just jealous. I know you want to be the only one to sit on Tony's lap...

[Steve2 in LA]

Bourdain can tell it like it is, whether breast-milk and baby besotted or hacking his way through the Amazonian underbrush. He's the mouth of our generation. Well, maybe the stomach.

[artnlit]

So Tony's feeling all soft and fluffy now, eh? That's ok; it helps remove some of mental road grime one acquires over many years. Plus, he makes a good point about Amy. Watch and see.

As for Owsley, read the latest interview with him in RS mag - I wouldn't say he is in the best shape.

[Jennie/Tikka]

Still not watching the show - but I am absolutely enamoured by the pic of Tony with his daughter on the calendar!

A similar word of caution akin to FoodPuta's....the baby is in her formative years. Are you sure you want her watching FN???? Really really sure??

[Claudia]

È vero, Ottavia, è molto vero. And, worse, you can't slap a man con una piccola bambina in his lap!

[Snoozer]

Ah, but the burning question for this list is...can you make cultured butter using breast milk? Tony, you'll have to be our point man on this. Or it could be a Quickfire challenge on Top Chef: Make a FABULOUS dish featuring breast milk as its main ingredient...

[Bob delGrosso]

Tony
If you run out of breast milk I've got some in the freezer. On second thought, forget it. It's got too much sentimental value.
After my youngest was weaned I kept it to make cheese, but never got around to it.
Nowadays I just like to look at it in there next to the ice pops and frozen basil n' shit.
What I'm saying here youngblood is that Ruhlman may be right and you are going soft. If you don't watch it, you may find yourself like me fawning over a container of frozen breast milk and wondering when your wits went south.

[CarolinaGirl]

nice way to tie it all together Snoozer. LOL

[7cats]

It's such an emotional season of NFNS. All the weeping and gnashing of teeth makes me wish for Gordon Ramsay as a judge. But I'm afraid he'd get distracted and end up telling Bob and Susie to f**k off. That WOULD be brilliant!

[veron]

Now you got me curios to watch this show...even if it has Bobby Flay.

[Alejandra]

But please, tell me that the unicorns at least have knives and brass knuckles, or something!

[Jennie/Tikka]

Patience people...the baby is only 3 months old. Wait until the baby turns 2....we'll see our old Bourdain back again ;)

[Sorcha]

You really do have to watch what you expose them to, Tony. My kid is a ten-year-old snarky sarcasm machine, and it's all my own damn fault. I should've stuck with Teletubbies and Bob the Builder when he was wee, instead of Monty Python and the like. Do you really want your daughter's first word to be "yummo"?

Let her watch Alton, man. She'll end up as a science geek who can cook, guaranteed a scholarship to her choice of MIT or the CIA.

[Sorcha]

Bob, I'm pretty sure breast milk goes bad after a while, even in the freezer. Fawn over it if you will, but for the love of whatever God you worship, don't use it.

If you do make something out of it, though, and live, make sure to tell us all about it. *G*

[kal]

Ottavia, if that happens, will you post pictures?

[Dyane]

THANK YOU to Ruhlman for giving your buddy a place here to share his hilarious and insghtful views on the insano show TNFNS. I'm still pissed that Reggie didn't win last season, and God, could someone please tell whatshername judge to stop talking like she has marbles in mouth....and don't even get me STARTED on SMARMY LEPRECHAUN BOY (a.k.a The Tuschster) but I digress. Okay, I know this starts off being a teensy bit off-topic, but please humor me, and it winds up foodie-related. First off, I was happily floored (moreso than when TNFNS judges ousted sweet Paul) to learn that you have a gorgeous 3-month old girl. Congrats!! I'm the mom of a 2 yr. old foodie who inhaled MY sauteed scallops the other night, to my chagrin, and then she had the audacity to howl for more of those pricey suckers. I'm 8 months pregnant with girl #2 and the writing of this email has been powered by raging hormones. I beseech you, Tony, please, please, please write a book about YOUR being a new Dad. My husband and I (both "late bloomers" parent-wise who have worked in many restaurant kitchens; he's 47 and I'm 37) adore all your shows, books and your wacky perspective. We would devour a book about what it's like to begin fatherhood from your POV. I know that many other of your fans would buy the book too. Hell, if f$%^&ng Jaime Oliver's WIFE can write a parenting memoir, I KNOW you can do it! And Ariane would get a kick of it down the road....well, maybe. ;) Hell, you could even include breast milk recipes at the end. (Joke) Warm congrats once again.

[Tana]

I hope you're muting the commercials, Tony. It's one thing to feed that baby network television, but spare her brain from the marketing hypnosis. Lest, in sixteen years, we see you both on that godawful TV show about the spoiled teenaged girls whose daddies deny them nothing.

[Sorcha]

Actually, Tana, we've had great success with our kid with letting him watch the commercials, but talking to him about them. You can't shield them from commercialism forever - I feel it's better to equip them to make smart decisions on their own by giving them the ability to understand what the ads are trying to do.

Also, the word "no" is surprisingly effective. "Can I have that?" "No." *G*

[Bob]

Holly Crap, Strike the Set.
Cancel No Reservations.

Bourdain's Gone Granola.
Whats Next Liking Rachel Ray???

Lord Help Us all

[Dyane]

Has anyone else noticed how NFNS really brings out the dark side of FN guest judge/megaschmucks, i.e. Giada and Alton? (not so much with Bobby & Paula & Tool, although I shiver to see any of them reveal their
particular Dr. Jeckels!!!) Giada & Alton behaved like they had major bugs up their anal crevices.

I got the impression that they were not thrilled to fulfill the NFNS part of their golden FN contract, to say the very least. It will be an interesting experience to see how Rachael Ray fares with bringing the Three Musketeers on her show (and as a judge) in the next episode. How I wish I could have a ginormous margarita before watching that one, but I'm on the wagon for the next 7 weeks.

[Claudia]

Oh, crap - does that mean they can force Mario to guest-judge one ep? I hope he had his lawyer strike that condition from his contract with FN. Tony, aren't you glad you had some degree of creative control of your own show when A Cook's Tour aired, and a no cross-plugging clause, to boot? Plugging Bizarre Foods anbd What's Your Trip for TC is no big deal in comparison, right?

[Frank Verano]

Hey T, Whats next, Humming Billy Joel's "Lulliby" to put the baby to sleep??

[Y]

Do you really think that Amy is working class? I mean, I found her endearing on the Iron Chef episode as well, but she has studied in France, her show pitch is the "Gourmet Next Door" and her occupation is a stay at home mother!! I'm not even sure that SHE meant her statement to mean that her family was struggling in any way. At all. And if they are, Jesus lady get a job instead of learning how to roll fondant!

[Susanne]

I love this entry, “I’ll take a pack of Huggies #2’s to go with those Marlboros” could be an alternate title.
I too am curious to see where parenthood takes our Tony other than into sheer exhaustion. Parenthood is a good thing, let’s all get happy and see where it takes us – something new. Forza Ottavia!

Now how come no one has commented on the little lovefest that Paul & JAG had at the end of the show? That’s rainbows and unicorns right there. Way too cute.

[Samantha]

Yep, I sure noticed that Giada and Alton had bees in their bonnets. Alton has always seemed to be an amiable fellow but he sure was a dick last episode. I guess they view the contestants as loser wannabes, but taking it out on them just makes them look unprofessional. Of course, they are probably directed to behave that way. Whatever.

I like Amy and hope she wins, too, since Paul is gone. I really would have sent The JAG home. Everyone hated his food more than they hated Paul's. I guess it was his lack of tomato knowledge that screwed it up for him. I've not had a beef with Rory until she snapped at Alton. "I'm just kidding!" Backpedal much? Not cool.

[Patrick]

I still can't watch this drivel, but I do find Top Chef a guilty pleasure, and HK unintentional comedy and good 'drinking game' fodder. With that being said, the Las Vegas 'No Reservations' was television gold. Easily the best hour of TV I've seen all summer (I won't go into details to spoil it) other than to say Ass Juice for everyone!

[HB]

And a little child shall lead them...

[AKS]

say it ain't so, tony. say it ain't so.

[Sarah]

Amen. I've been rooting for Amy. When she had that freakout and asked to be sent home, I got the distinct feeling that her bid to be the Next Food Network Star isn't getting much support at home. I'm glad they gave her such a vote of confidence-- she's really talented, and seems to be coming into her own. I hope her family decides to support her-- she's got such talent, it would be a shame if she were to be dragged down by guilt.

I can't believe they didn't send JAG home. I'm with you, Tony, there's just something *off* about him...

[Sarah]

Oh, and Frank, it is absolutely possible to be a working-class gourmet. (It's actually the premise of my blog.) There are scholarships and grants, and having studied in France doesn't mean you can necessarily fly there on the drop of a hat. Amy's clearly developed her palate-- which is something you can do just as easily by going to your farmer's market or a Chinatown hole in the wall instead of Per Se.

[Samantha]

I adore TC and I've been watching HK but I kinda feel dirty afterwards. What kind of drinking game do you play, every time Chef Ramsay says "FUCK" you take a drink? I think you'd get more wasted if you took a drink every time he ended a sentence with "Yes?" or "Yeah?" He's so cute. Ooh, his restaurant wrecking show looks like it will be fun to watch!

I LOVED the LV No Reservations episode. I even watched the rerun the other day. Ass Juice indeed. I wanted some of those pommes frites!

But here is what I really need to say: Someone really needs to tell Paula Deen to tone down the orange makeup. If you died her hair green she would look just like an Oompa Loompa. What's UP with that?

[Claudia]

Do you think Sunday's will be the episode in which JAG finally snaps, climbs the top of the carriage house, and sprays everyone with automatic weapon fire? Or will that be pre-empted by another Amy meltdown? This might call for a bag full of Momofuku steamed pork belly buns and some vodka . . . I don't think I can manage this one without some serious munching . . .

[Art]

Just discovered your blog. Solid writing with an interesting point-of-view. NFNS is clearly a much more honest show than Top Chef or Hell's Kitchen. I've dropped HK and might drop TC.

Still blogging on both NFNS and TC once-per-week or so. Usually Snarky stuff but praise where it's warranted. Rory's rack, for example.

as

http://femdomfuture.blogspot.com

[touristique]

Is Amy a Tina Fey character?

[Clarkehead]

I'd like to know who really wrote this. Because it isn't the Tony Bourdain I thought I knew. What's next, Tony - an appearance at next year's Food Network Awards?

[Natalie Sztern]

Tony enjoy it while u can, they grow up too damn fast and require too much damn money...and breast milk is only good when u suckle it urself,,,So, there I go, into my kitchen where my son (21) stood with a bowl of salad greens and a mise en place of bowl, whisk, eggs, dijon mustard and my very best EVOO that costs 50.00 a can. Irritated, I asked what he was doing and his response made me ask again. He was making a Caesar Salad and was whisking and emulsifying the ingredients for his dressing. I looked at him and for a second I didn’t know who he was, as I digested his words.

My son, my baby, was emulsifying a salad dressing. For a split second I felt the blood drain from my body and I saw a stranger- "a man." The years I have spent reading cookbooks, experimenting in the kitchen, ordering takeout and market shopping all came to fruition that very second in the kitchen where we stood. My son was cooking on his own – creating from memory and taste.

The magnitude of this moment was almost too much for me to bare and it will stand as the third momentous event equal to his first word and first step.

Almost as incomprehensible a fervor is the delayed reaction that he shares my passion. As a mother, I have just been blown away. Probably the same way his father felt when he found the used Trojan wrapper on the back seat of son's car.

[Rory]

I love reading this shit! It's so funny to me that all of you are so sure you know whats what and how things are. First this is a EDITED TV show. They cut and paste ALOT. For us the finalist we love to see each week how the producers are going to create drama. Its fun for us and I must say these story producers are super talented. Well, I'm glad you guys are enjoying the show and make sure you tune in This Sunday there is a Huge Twist.........Huge......... Even Shocked the shit out of me! So enjoy and if i do make it to the final 2, haha to all of you that thought i wouldn't and If i don't Yeah Yeah watch me walk away with my Tail between my legs.... Either way it was a blast and i wish you all had a chance to see what really went down and who are the truely great chefs. Remember editing is everything, they can make a ant look like a elephant if they want too.

[FoodPuta]

Rory, shhhh, your ruining the drama for the Bourdains!

[uberangie]

i have a three month old daughter, and i can say without hesitation, that whilst breastfeeding, i watch the mostly insanely stupid crap. AND CARE. but i think the nfns actually is a gateway show to barney, which your three month old will delight in shortly. this is the way of the newly parented. first, rachel ray, then the nfns, then teletubbies, and then you are shit outta luck, my friend.

honestly, i am surprised a 300-lb gay purple dinosaur isn't actually competing in this show. combine it all. make barney make a fucking terrine with a smile on his face. then robert irvine looks deadpan in the camera saying, "dino-mite".

[t-scape]

Can we get more FN personalities to post here? Like maybe Sandra Lee can come here and say "There is a truely (sic) Huge (sic) Twist (sic) coming up on my next episode This (sic) Saturday! My video editors are super talented and they will make me look like I can actually chop an onion! I won't walk away with my Tail (sic) between my legs, and it will Shock (sic) the shit out of you that they can make me look competent if they want too (sic)".

[clarkehead]

Dino Impossible

[bonnibella]

"tony, you embarrassing wuss! what has happened to you? there you are, ditsy and besotted from the smell of breastmilk and oogling your sweet child. Snap out of it! Jesus."

Ruhlman, I hate to say I told you so...but I told you so. :-)

[julie]

Thank you both for another entertaining NFNS blog. Bourdain is always a fun read. ITA that Amy's a good choice. At least she has training and, as Tuschman would say, "a culinary point of view". She could bring something new and better to FN--even to the ghetto of Sunday a.m. FN. (So could Jag but...yes...no chance there).

Love the softer, gentler Bourdain! One little baby has accomplished so much in only three months. Is it too much to hope that in, say, ten years the little girl has become a vegetarian and has shown Tony that it's really not narrow-minded killjoys out to destroy the pleasure of those who enjoy good-tasting food?

"And a child shall lead them". One can only hope!!!

[Tags]

Yep!

See you in church, Tony.

[Chris]

I'm still waiting for VH-1 to do a celebrity chef show with D-list stars ... who needs FN and their "next big chef who'll never actually appear in prime time," when we could have a chef contest between Scott Baio, Emmanuel Lewis, MC Hammer, Cheryl Tiegs, LaToya Jackson, and the guy who played Screech? Now THAT would be a cookin' show!

[Sarah (NY)]

I'm just a layman cook here, but I agree that both shows have taken a slightly "cheesier" road this season. I can't see to help loving Gordon Ramsey, however NFS - no one appeals to me. Sadly - I don't see a lasting star on that show especially considering 'Guy's Big Bite' (last season's winner) actually Bites. P.s Rachel Ray isn't so bad, in small doses, while cooking, and after 2 glasses of wine.

[artnlit]

Ahhh, but the real test of Tony's newly acquired passivity is the next episode...one with Rachel Ray! Methinks then our snarky, sarcastic, chain-smoking friend will show his REAL self again! LOL. Or maybe not? JK Tony; I find it refreshing that you can see through a new "eye" of sorts.

As for two glasses of wine, try the whole bottle! And I do mean the Two-Buck Chuck. Perhaps we should start up the RR drinking game again as we watch the episode??

[Carole Del Monte]

Tony, I could have predicted your "new attitude". You remind me of my sons more than ever, especially the older one, whose daughter is now 9 years old. I hope your girl will become a good buddy (in the kitchen), as well. Good luck. We love you.

[dana]

My 14-year-old girl, who loves all things Bourdain, asked me if Tony quit smoking now that he is a papa...anybody know?

[dana]

My 14-year-old girl, who loves all things Bourdain, asked me if Tony quit smoking now that he is a papa...anybody know?

[dana]

My 14-year-old girl, who loves all things Bourdain, asked me if Tony quit smoking now that he is a papa...anybody know?

[Skawt]

Don Corleone: You could act like a man.
[slaps Tony Bourdain]
Don Corleone: What's the matter with you? Is this what you've become, some Hollywood finnochio that cries like a woman?
[mockingly imitates Tony]
Don Corleone: Oh, Godfather, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?

[bonnibella]

Skawt: Nice Godfather homage! My prediction was that he will be doing "Cooking With The Wiggles" shows before the next Presidential election takes place. Much more plebeian.

[intuitive eggplant]

This Bourdain post and the ensuing comments are truly a hoot. Meanwhile, for all of you who have been following Tony’s “compare and contrast” observations between TNFNS and HK, he is guest blogging about Top Chef in place of Collichio on Bravo. I will refrain from commenting further about Rory’s post and simply say that I always enjoy Tony’s writing and insights, which are significantly more incisive and well-written than the much of the Bravo TC blog fare.

[Rory]

What I should've said is that the big surprise TWIST in this coming week's episode is that I finally get my teeth and gums realigned so that I don't look like a mule. Oh, and you'll also watch as I get the rest of my adam's apple shaved off, so that my transformation from man to shemale is complete. Thanks Food Network!

[Gorilla Bob]

I'm not suprised Paul got axed. The guy is a caterer and he doesn't know about San Marzano tomatoes? Fuck! Isn't that his job, to know about food?

[Len]

>and i wish you all had a chance to see what really went down and who are the truely great chefs.

I wish I had the chance, too ... unfortunately, whoever is producing the current season of TNFNS has decided that making the show resemble its competition is more important than staying reasonably true to the original concept.

Of course, maybe this just reflects the changes in FN as a whole - frankly, other than Alton Brown, I find the cooking shows on PBS far more interesting than just about anything on the current FN schedule.

[Emily]

I am watching the Jag breakdown as I type this ...VOMIT! why did they even give him the chance to come in and be on tv again after all that crap...that was an on-air audition for Days of our Lives, he HAD to have had coaching to get his emotional drama crap performance down. ugh...I can only hope Amy will win. She is the only one who would actually hold my attention. This whole "backyard bistro" thing...I don't get it. If Amy can teach me how to continue to care about cooking after I have kids who only want to eat chicken fingers, then I will be grateful.

[Samantha]

Wow, I didn't see THAT coming at all! See ya, JAG. I guess the person posting as Rory was right, there WAS a major twist ahead. No wonder JAG seemed uncomfortable the entire time about his personal life. Did he not know he would be found out, or did he just not care?!?

Well, can't wait for Bourdain's TNFNS update!!

[chefwannab]

OK, I cannot believe the editing on this show. I cannot understand how, on god's green earth, after lavishing praise on Amy for how good she did PR-wise and what a disaster JAG was, further saying how unrefined JAG's TV presence is but how Amy is someone poised and polished that "FN viewers could identify with", they let Amy go instead of JAG? What was the rationale behind that decision and why not let us in on it? I was surprised last week too when he got through after the Iron Chef debacle; once again, nothing the judges said (that we the viewers got to see) provided any rationale to their decisions. The only reason I can think of that they kept pushing him through was because of the Latino factor. They've got a lot of white women with their own shows already, and whether he deserved it or not, Jag might have provided something different.

I guess it's a moot point now that he took himself out of the competition but it's a shame that the FN execs didn't oust him a long time ago to let some others move farther along in the competition. I don't think any of these contestants deserves their own show, but I'm with Tony, I think Paul would have been an entertaining host. What we are left with is the "best" of a pretty pathetic selection to begin with, but for everyone's sake, to spare us having to look at Rory's gums, I hope Amy gets the next Sunday a.m. slot that none of us will watch, but at least we won't mind seeing the ads for.

By the way, has anyone else noticed the sudden recent promos for the new show Simply Delicioso? FN's answer to the Latino image that they lost with Jag's departure?

[Rachael]

The highlight of the "Iron Chef" challenge was watching Alton grow increasingly grumpy and obnoxious, as though he's completely superior to any other opportunist on that network. He's probably one of the better things on the network, sure, but whatever encouragement they've given him to act like he's a toughguy around new recruits just backfires.

Maybe he's just tired of being strung around by the network? I imagine that being trotted out for wonderful shows like the Food Network Awards and All-Star Thanksgiving or whatever the hell that was must wear thin on him. He's increasingly looking like the crotchety and out-of-place professor on campus with a worn corduroy coat and a bad combover. I guess that's what the next food network star has to look forward to!

[Rob]

Rory has this thing locked up-- she will win by the length of her boob. Sorry, Amy, but America has always discriminted against the flat-chested.

The only other ones that can be interested in the Rory/Amy finale are dentists--Rory has a serious gum problem (she has too much gum where most people have face) and Amy has the most crooked mouth since anyone in an Dick Tracy comic strip. For those who admire teeth, it's a truly horrifying choice.

[Ryan]

Give me a break. FN did background checks on every "next Food Network star" from the get go. The "twist" with Jag finally 'fessing up about culinary school (No) and Afghanistan (No) and withdrawing himself, and Amy coming back after she'd been dismissed was all planned. If that's all the drama that Food Network's got, then they need to do fire some hacks and do a series called "The Next Food Network Writer."

[Sean]

How could they wish him luck on his way out? I'll tell you why: they are just as guilty. They wanted ratings and fake patriotism so they just had to have a vet. In their cynical and slimy rush to get exploit our love for the military, they fell asleep at the wheel. I don't feel sorry for the other contestants - I feel sorry for that PFC who really did serve in Afghanistan who didn't get on the show.

[julie]

I liked Jag. He made a mistake with his resume, but he still served his country in the Marines (which is more than I have). I'm sorry to see him go.

Rory will probably win, but how sad is that? Steak slathered with butter and roast potatoes...slathered with butter and bacon. ZZZzzzzz...

And Amy's French-influenced "home-cooking" was deemed too "snobby". What is WRONG with FN? They are terrified of any genuine culinary training or anything other than generic "American" cookingc cooking (note the new pseudo-"Latin" Ingrid Hoffman with her Jiffy mix/tamale pie and jello shots).

When did FN become so personality-driven and so convinced that "home cook" is a synonym for "stupid housewife who wants to make generic 'American' foods with as little actual cooking or creativity as possible?"

No wonder Sara Moulton and Mario Batali are gone. And, though Rachel Ray is re-run 35 times a week, the Wolfgang Puck rerun is on once--at 4 a.m. That says it all.

[xed]

Complete coverage of Next Food Nextwork Star at

topchiefpundit.blogspot.com

I'm all for Amy,I dislike Rory, and I want to expose Jag aka Jughead.

[Gary]

Paul is the one who suffered most because Food Network failed to verify credentials. Had Jag not be in the race, Paul probably would have made the final three and, possibly, the final two.

I would vote for Paul now if I could but since he was unfairly booted, my vote goes to Amy, the 'I Quit! Gourmet Next Door'. Rory's mega gums are all I see when she's on the screen. They make me want to floss.

[princessdominique]

JAG? Unstable is an understatement.

[princessdominique]

JAG? Unstable is an understatement.

[French Laundry at Home]

>>When did FN become so personality-driven and so convinced that "home cook" is a synonym for "stupid housewife who wants to make generic 'American' foods with as little actual cooking or creativity as possible?"<<

It's all about pleasing the advertisers, plain and simple. You'll notice that they are letting the contracts run out on anyone and everyone who uses products without advertising support. The only exception to that is Aunt Sandy, who I hear is being let go, and that this LateenFaux Ingrid Hoffman is taking her place as a the shill for FN's advertisers in the value-add programming block.

And, if anyone was surprised about last night's show or thought it was a twist, I have a bridge to sell you. They've been planning this since Day One. It makes "General Hospital" look like Shakespeare.

[FoodPuta]

As entertaining as it is, to make observations about how Bourdain is overly lactating now, or that you could land a jet fighter on Rorys gums, and just what degree level of douche that JAG has been portrayed as. The real point that should be made, is the genius it takes, to transform a network named "The FOOD network" into a 24 hour daytime soap opera completely void of FOOD.

I'm truly impressed!!

[REM]

I wish I could learn the true timeline of when they found out about JAG's lies. I'm willing to bet they knew about it at least a week or more before the final competition and they let him stay until the final three to increase the drama and save face as much as possible. Not that the others who were let go before him wouldn't have been sent home, it just came down to a matter of when. That's what I think, anyway. I was totally surprised when Paul was sent home and not JAG. I think they knew at that point about JAG and kept him around for dramatic purposes, and not to spoil the competition before it pretty much ended.

I think they capitalized on what could have been a very negative "bad scene" and turned it into something juicy from a reality-TV standpoint. This would keep viewers interested in the final competition. Let's face it, the ending would have been anticlimactic and negative if they just let him go when they really found out about it. Waiting until later made the tension higher. Interest in the show and JAG wasn't soured during the competition. This way people will feel more inclined to align with one of the two finalists. FN probably thinks they saved the show from total disaster by doing this and they might be right.

[Claudia]

I believe, dear Puta, that you've just said it all - a soap opera completely devoid of food.

[Gary]

Regarding the timeline - Jag's lies were exposed in an article published by Military Times on June 15. FN has known about it for at least that long - more than a month.

[CWinters]

What amazes me most is that as VP, marketing, Susie is in charge of the show editing, yet she still comes off as a douche/ignoramous.

[REM]

To Gary, yes I know when the Article came out in the Military Times, but the question is when was the competition filmed? How far into it did they find out? On the show last night FN said they found out about JAG's deception "Several Months" after the competition was filmed. Several months? I find that hard to believe. Even if the series was filmed in the Spring (which it was judging by the weather, clothing and other clues) that was not "several months" ago.

[Dyane]

I definitely agree with Emily, who wrotethat JAG got coaching re: his melodramatic speech to the Judges Smarmy Leprechaun and Botoxmarblemouth. Yeah, baby, there is no way he could have said all that without some MEGACOACHING and I am sure he got paid handsomely for it.

My theory about this show's winner is this: They ALREADY KNOW who the winner is....and it's Amy.

The whole "let America vote" thing is a ruse. It's a gut feeling that I have....

I find it intriguing that "Rory" is posting amongst here in a manner that the oh-so-conservative FN Judges would never view as "reflecting well" on the almighty Food Network. Specifically, Rory's opening remark
"I LOVE this shit". That makes me wonder....why is Rory writing in this way??? I feel bad about the personal attacks about her gums - she doesn't deserve that, as she's a beautiful woman.....but I was taken aback at her writing on the board and the way in which she chose to discuss her thoughts. Doesn't it seem that the FN would prohibit that kind of thing until the winner was chosen??? Which makes me think the winner HAS BEEN chosen!!

I'd love LOVE love LOVE love to hear any of your thoughts on my groovy conspiracy theory....I really enjoy the provocative and insightful posts here to date.
P.S. to Tony, if you are still reading these comments:
PLEASE TELL US YOU'LL CONSIDER WRITE A PARENTING MEMOIR. PRETTY PLEASE WITH FOIS GRAS, CIGGIES, STEAK FRITES, OYSTERS AND TRUFFLES ON TOP! IT WOULD BE A NY TIMES BESTSELLER, NO DOUBT!

[Ryan C.]

The show was shot entirely over a three-week period during Jan/Feb. No one had any idea about Jag's misrepresentations until the Military Times article came out in June. And that's the way it went down.

[Dyane]

Here are some suggested titles for the
Anthony Bourdain parenting book:

"Parenting the NicoDerm Way"

"Do As I Say, Not As I Did"

and my current fave:
"Cigges and Dipees and Goin' to the Soft, Dark Side, Oh My!"

I LOVE the name Ariane, always have. Awesome choice. Kudos to you & O.

[ArC]

>>The real point that should be made, is the genius it takes, to transform a network named "The FOOD network" into a 24 hour daytime soap opera completely void of FOOD.<<

Ah, MTV pulled that trick years ago with music...

[REM]

Ryan, if that's the case, fine, but FN still allowed the series to continue to air with Garcia on it after finding out. The article came out June 15 or so and the series was airing at that time. They only made a statement saying they were "investigating" the story, but I'm not so sure it was a good idea for them to continue airing the programs that came out after they found out, as Garcia was still depicted as a contestant who had a chance to win....Not sure I am sold on the wisdom of that, but I guess I don't have all the facts.

[Dyane]

I thought that some of you would enjoy reading Tony's guest blog entry (excellent writing as always)
on Tom Colicchio's Top Chef blog.

here's the direct link:

www.bravotv.com/blog/tomcolicchio/2007/07/anthony_bourdain_guest_blogger.php

[terila]

I'm not voting for Amy for several reasons. Amy has already had a meltdown and came within an inch of asking to be eliminated so that she could go home. Her food isn't "snobby" because it's better or more sophisticated but rather because SHE herself thinks French-France-Paris somehow donotes "better". She even mentioned last night that going in to the contest she felt her strong suit was that she had been to Paris! Woop de Doo! NOT!

I'm voting for Rory for several reasons. She seems like the most natural, down-to-earth and genuine. I think the FN could [but probably won't] capitalize on Rory being a Texan by doing some parts of the show on location. I'm hoping for the best for Rory!

[patrick]

Honestly, after seeing the crying, I really can't take any more of this. Is there a rule that you have to cry on a reality show? Do they give you drugs to induce this?

[Art]

What KILLS me is how many dolts out there buy into the "Amy's been to Paris, she's a food expert" horse manure. With most laughably claiming she has MORE food knowledge than Rory.

Newsflash;

in 20 years of hiring European Chefs, I'd never heard of this "Cooking School" that Amy "attended classes" at. Did a quick poll of friends with a combined 200 years of experience and none of THEM had heard of it. Did a search of an online database and found ZERO professional Chefs listing that "Elite French School" on their resume. ZERO.

And Amy's "vast experience" consists of cooking for her Algerian hubby and his buddies.

Rory GRADUATED from C.I.A. And attended J@W. And she's a restauranteer.

You people might not like Rory, but claiming Amy has more education and experience is just absurd.

[terila]

Thanks, Art.

Amy, herself seems to think that "France/French" has some special cache. It doesn't.